I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
