why im i the only drunk person in the library?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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