ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
