Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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