He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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