I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
