who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
