Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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