More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
