he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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