Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
