please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
