btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
