idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
