Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
