hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
