The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
