Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
