its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
