i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
