I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
