Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
