Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize