it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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