apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
