Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Four minutes until I can fart!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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