yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
