you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
