walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
