My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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