I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
