I puked a lego.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
