If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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