Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
