Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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