how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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