She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
