I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
