Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We are two peas in an std pod
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
