I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
