she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The Olympian is in my bed
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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