I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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