When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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