How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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