we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
