And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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