He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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