i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
