Your face is a jimmy john
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
