Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
