dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
