Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
