She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Randomize
