I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
